Who was Joe Shymanski really? His friends, family and those who briefly met Joe, will describe him as wonderful, caring, happy and outgoing. He took really great photos. He had a way with people. What a great dad. So generous. Magical. They will defend his character with fervor. He was indeed all of those things at times. There were good times.
But there was also more.
There was no amount of magic that would make up for the abuse that I suffered from him. The only way I could combat Joe’s lies, mind games, his public image was by writing it all down. I documented his behaviors. I wore a body camera. I put up security cameras at my house. I lived in fear of him. I was afraid that no one would believe me. The type of abuse that I have endured makes you doubt your reality, so chronicling what was happening was the only way to stay grounded. He was out of control and it seemed to just be getting worse.
His version of reality was not real, but his charm and capacity to lie so convincingly made his ability to spread misinformation deadly. It was hard not to believe what he was saying. He had a carefully managed image and was confident and convincing. People loved him.
After I left him, I have read and studied about emotional, narcissistic, and covert abuse. I started understanding things that had happened and was able to label them. It was like de-tangling my brain. This type of abuse has a ripple effect because so many people believe his distorted reality. Laying it all out in a blog like this has helped me work through the trauma. I hope eventually to be able to help others going through similar situations.
After Joe’s death, I have tried to keep quiet to protect my family and because I am a private person. We have experienced severe trauma and have been trying to recover in any way possible. I have been respectful of the detectives’ work and want justice to run its course. It is incredibly hard for me to speak and relive all of this, it is excruciatingly painful. However, Joe’s family, in their grief and confusion, have waged a war on me. I have been pushed to a point where there’s no way to NOT talk about what was really going on. His family is lying in court documents and in court, spreading inflammatory information based on the smear campaigns of an abusive man. They are using money from the estate, my CHILDREN’S inheritance, to wage a war on their own MOTHER. The money that I have to use to fight their vendetta should be used to take care of my children, my kids are already suffering and are now suffering even more because of their own family. It is nauseating. They’ve bragged about talking to Dateline and other respectable news shows; I am beyond prepared for when they come to talk to me.
I fully understand that they are hurting and don’t know what is going on, but I pray for them stop for the sake of the children; their anger and vendetta is misguided.
This was an unimaginable, horrific tragedy. I do not condone what happened to Joe. Even with everything he has done to me, I never would have wished harm to come to him. It is a horror that I do not know how to navigate and I live every day. I mourn for my children, his family, and friends. I know nothing about the upcoming trial and monitor the Maryland Judiciary site daily for information and movement; absolutely no information is being released. I have willingly given the police access to my phone, passwords, emails, OFW ( court ordered software that Joe and I had to use to communicate so it could be monitored). Everything. I sat with them willingly on two separate occasions answering EVERY question they had after I first called to report him missing. The detectives have already done their work and I have been CLEARED. I had nothing to do with this crime and I do not know anything about how it happened or why. If I had, I would have been in jail long ago and I definitely wouldn’t have my children.
I welcome the truth coming out. The information and documentation that I have journaled here on this blog is a piece of that truth.